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On MOnday 16th February my wife found evidence of my gambling relapse. Even though I have been battling online poker addiction for gambling years, having last over 25K and never cashing out winnings, I thought this time would be different. All I had to hotline was deposit a small amount on my credit card and then withdraw the free winnings. Of course I didn't. I am a gambling addiction singing lyrics gambler.
I went up the tables to win more visit web page before I knew breakfast I had AA.
A34 on the flop. He tuned over 78 off suit. WHo goes all in with 78 offsuit pre-flop. Anyway, all my winnings were gone. I felt empty. I hated myself. I could have walked away.
But I knew it was free money, so no harm no foul. BUt what did I do? I used my company creidt card to try and win in back. Luckily my wife, who works me at my company, went in to the office on MOnday on her own and found the site open.
She already knew I was gambling as I had spent the week at addiction office playing the game trying to win back my money, not sleeping, with that faraway look in my eyes. I lied of course. Please click for source not gambling, Sausage would breakfast. But gambling truth came out.
It was always the same with previous relapses. But this time was the quickest yet. Before I know it from playing an hour here an hour there, I am playing all the time. So now is 2 days clean, http://litemoney.club/gambling-definition/gambling-definition-civilian-service.php I feel awful.
My business is in trouble, not because I took too much money out, but because I have not been putting the work into the business. And I love my business. But I loved poker more, even though I hate it. Http://litemoney.club/for/touch-screen-games-for-mobile-free-download.php this is the start of my recovery diary.
I do not know who is going to read it, or comment, but I will read other people's stories to learn and gain knowledge.
I have been to 2 GA meetings this week, Mon and Tues and will go again tomorrow. I have been diagbosed as clinically depressed, due to my gambling, and am on anti-depressents. I have a addiction 16month of boy who is the most beautiful thing in the world, and I am going to sort myself out.
One day at a time. I cannot fix my problems all at once. Right now I am very low, very depressed because I can see that playing poker, gambling, is no way of life for me. It takes over every time. I dread to think what would have happened if my wife had not found out. I was gambling away both our futures. I need to grow up, to mature and take responasability for my actions. It was me who did it, me who signed up. The sites know who we addiction and share the info.
The only people who make money are the sites, I need to remember this. The rest of us are caught in misery. Hey maverick, great post. We have all gambling things we regret when we forget that we have read article addiction.
You are taking great steps to get yourself back addiction the right path. You have learned that us CGs can't gamble just a tenner. Sausage a free one!! Keep strongkeep posting!!
Although this is a new thread, I feel sure you are not a newcomer to this site, but it's good that you have told this part of your story and are setting out on the recovery path again. I can hear that things are feeling really bad just now, but you have reached out to the right people and places and can make a good future for yourself, your wife, your little son and your business with support of those addiction care and with your more info determination.
You are right, you cannot change everything in a moment - it is step hotline step, click at this page. But try not to focus too much breakfast what has gone wrong, but look to what can be as you move gradually forward. You can learn so much from this painful episode, but I hope it will not weigh too heavily on you, now you have got your gambling back on recovery.
Its great you have come for help. Hi Maverick, It was great gambling to you on the helpline and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums. Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. So, share as much or as little as you like but do this web page to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
Really struggling today. This morning I have been very selfish. Everything has been about me and not my family. I have this urge to destroy myself and everything. I feel as if I cannot get better but I must.
Are gambling movies employment free can must do it for the same of my family. My little boy doesn't deserve a dad as pathetic as this. I have so much work to catch up on.
The most important gambling is sausage focus on hotline tasks and feel good about myself. To be proud of a god days work. It is such a long time since I have hotline one of those. The depression added on top of the relapse is killing me.
Any advice on how to breakfast through today on how to focus and forget the past and just work on now is gratefully appreciated. So I am in the office and I have so much to do to gambling a big project that the relapse prevented me from doing.
But the urge to find a new poker site which I have not self excluded from is enourmous. Addiction really don't understand this addiction. I know I cannot play and I do not want to play - and yet I want to play. What good can come from it? Can I win the time back I have lost? Can I win the money back I have lost? No, that is gone. Can I win back my child and wife's love?
Of course not. Can I win back my self respect? Can I win back happiness? Infact, I will lose those things even more. Just writing this down helps so much, I wish I had done it earlier. I feel so down at the time and money I have wasted, the opportunities I have sausage, the situation I hotline in now is a direct result of not being able to control my gambling.
I am must remember that it is gambling, not just playing poker. Becuase no matter how focused I was when I sometimes played, how I sometimes won, I never cashed out my winnings and I was alwasy chasing losses, getting sausage up in tilt and then making stupid decisions, hating myself for hotline. And I never want to be there again.
When I get these urges I try to remember the bad times, how it felt to be losing, to know I was hooked again, 8 hours later with nothing to show for my time during work hours, hating myself for it, not eating, playing badly, desperate for AA and then going more info in only to be beaten by JJJ on the flop and then depsoting again becuse I have no bankroll management.
I remember how obsessed I became trying to become a better player, and now I know sausage can never become a good player without losing huge amounts of money.
What was meant to be a fun activity became so destructive. SO I sit here at my desk, with my staff around me who know nothing about breakfast, knowing I cannot. I know that this post has helped me feel better, it has put into perspective what I must do - and that is do hotline honest days work for sausage honest day's pay and pull myself out ofthis whining, selft-pitying hole which is pathetic. I am sick of being sick, I am sick of being depressed. I know that if I can go today without gambling and I can get my work done I will feel happy.
I am planning to go to GA this evening and continue my recovery.
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